On a sodden pitch that put the “what” (as in, “what are we doing here??”) into “waterlogged”, Witan 1s took on Old Thorntonians, with Witan seeking immediate revenge following their televised defeat in the reverse fixture just before Christmas.
After wading through their warm-ups in the rain-induced gloom, the game started surprisingly brightly with both teams trying to pass and dribble their way through the Barn Elms swamp.
Witan defended a flurry of early set pieces with uncharacteristic success, then took a 1-0 lead: Stathis bamboozled the Old Thorns defence with a trademark shimmy before firing low into the far corner, the ball bouncing in off the post with a satisfying “thunk”.
Sadly for Witan, their strong start soon washed away, along with the grass across most of the pitch. Old Thorns quickly replied with a well-taken goal of their own – a strong move through midfield was finished by an accurate shot into the corner that left Witan keeper Keir Baker with no chance.
A monstrous sliding tackle from Archie Watt (by now caked in mud) and a well anticipated goal line clearance from Ben Wright were rare highlights but Witan’s resistance dissolved as Old Thorns sailed through for three more first half goals, leaving Witan wet, muddy and 4-1 down at half time.
Archie Watt with another tackle
Captain Baxter’s stern half time team talk evidently rallied the troops, as Witan came out much improved in the second half.
Almos Beer set the tone with a driving run down the left, outrageously nutmegging the Old Thorns right back as Witan’s attacking force flickered into life.
"It definitely moved" - Jonny Baxter
An hour in, Witan finally saw hope as Jonny Baxter made it 4-2 with a shot from 30 yards. “It definitely moved” (he said) but this effort won’t trouble his “annual worldie” collection, as his knuckle ball strike wobbled straight to the feet of the Old Thorns GK, who inexplicably sliced the ball into the net behind him while trying to kick the ball clear. Embarrassed for the GK and with energy sapped from the midfield quagmire (but inwardly smiling at the unexpected fantasy points), Baxter refused to celebrate – earning himself a haddock vote from Almos in the process.
Nevertheless, Witan woke up and finally found a footing in the game. Waves of Witan pressure flowed toward the Old Thorns goal and on 70 mins, they struck again. Almos spread the play to the right wing for Mikey Savage, who beat his man and drove a low cross to the back post, where Ben “Marios” Dixon marked his debut with a side foot shot into roof of the net. 4-3; game on!
Witan huffed and puffed but Old Thorns held firm and as Witan’s fitness wavered, their momentum began to slide.
As the clock ticked down, haddock entries came to the fore. Keir tried his luck first – his improvised tactic of short goal kicks had proven largely successful, with Archie and Ben “Delly” DLF able to avoid the worst of the central bog and play out well from the back. That was until Keir somehow passed the ball behind a stranded Archie, and the kick rolled out for an Old Thorns throw-in a few yards from Witan’s corner flag.
However, Keir needn’t have worried as Almos launched a single-handed assault on a haddock vote he would go on to dominate.
First, he sprinted headfirst into an opposition player’s shoulder to temporarily concuss himself, and recovered his composure with a long lie down and soak in the Barn Elms bath. Then, when well placed to shoot or cross for an equaliser at the back post, Almos swung his left boot but kicked fresh air instead of the ball, costing him a hero’s return to the pub as well as two fantasy points for the haddock.
The game ended with two final moments of quality, as Marios demonstrated defensive steel with a scarcely believable double goal-line clearance, and with Witan exhausted from throwing bodies forward, Old Thorns punished a tired foul with another superb 20-yard free kick into the top corner, repeating their trick from the first game to wrap up their win.
In summary, Witan’s strong second half performance was almost – but not quite – good enough to make up a big first half deficit; Almos almost took a clean sweep of haddock votes; and man of the match votes were thinly spread with three joint winners earning two votes each.
And it was very wet.
Goalscorers:
Efstathios Prengkas
Jonny Baxter
Marios Zikas
MOM (joint):
Almos Beer
Efstathios Prengkas
Archie Watt
Haddock: A Concussed Almos Beer
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