Witan 1s headed into the first of their final five games hoping not to get dragged into a relegation quagmire, but had a much changed line-up due to Covid hitting key players in Almos Beer and Ben Wright. Luckily they got an injury boost on Friday when Bangers was ruled out with a calf strain. This did not deter Bangers from attending the match and spouting nonsense about past Witan matches to bewildered debutants – swap the packet pork scratchings for a fish paste sandwich and the slow metamorphosis into Del would be complete.
Both sides started with much changed line-ups, with less than 10 players present who were involved in Witan’s 4-1 drubbing earlier in the season. Surprisingly Ben De La Fuente did not recognise the striker from the last game, despite having spent most of the away fixture being strangled by him.
As early as the second minute, Stathis dazzled his way past two men with a combo of great skill and a new grill, before being chopped down by the opposition’s number 10. The referee deciding not to show a yellow based on the unwritten rule that when it’s early enough in the game, cynically hacking someone from behind on the counterattack is perfectly legal.
The blustery conditions, combined with a slippery surface lead to the attacks being on top early on, there were multiple chances for both sides in the first 15 minutes. Baker was tested twice from close range either side of Jonny Baxter firing wide after great work from Sarly, Stat and debutant Sam on the right and a nice touch back from Jez Deasey.
Not long after this, Stat showed his class again, cutting through the defence and putting a cross into the corridor of uncertainty which was sliced away for a corner by a OSA defender. The resulting corner was dropped by the keeper and Stat was unable to convert. It looked like it was deflected over but the ref gave a goal kick.
Other people were playing, but it was Stat who had the next chance, hitting a long ranger that the keeper was able to catch without too much trouble. Then a mix up in the defence allowed Sam to hook goalwards, but the angle was too tight, and it bounced wide with the keeper in no-man’s land. It really was a breathless first 15, which is presumably why their number 10 decided to have a quick lie down on around 20 minutes, although on closer inspection it appeared to just be an abysmal dive.
Witan 1s have a reputation of being soft from set pieces, and while overall they did deal with them well, it was a return ball from a corner that undid them on Saturday. The first ball was cleared, but a second ball was delivered, and while a combo of Kenney, De La Fuente and Baker kept out the first shot, the rebound was too simple to miss.
Witan almost equalised immediately, a fantastic ball to the edge of the box tempted the keeper out, Stat lifted it over him but couldn’t collect on the other side due to strong defending. The CB’s strength appeared to desert him moments later when Stat cleverly rolled him only for the entire OSA team to scream for a foul.
After 25 mins we witnessed another great save by Keir. The OSA number 17 opted to place instead of blasting but Baker made the save and turned the shot away for a corner. Shortly after this save, Witan had a great equaliser, working the ball from left to right, a lovely cross from deep by Matt Wallace found Stat to power home a header from 12 yards. Unfortunately nobody was filming the cross (the match reporter was actually too busy scribing an earlier chance to see it). But we can rest assured it was excellent, as Matt Wallace told me.
There were more good chances at both ends in the dying embers of the first half. Their dangerous number 10 beat three men and then shot against the post. Their number 9 was celebrating too soon and ended up falling over instead of tapping in the rebound. Immediately after this Witan broke again and Wallace absolutely stung the keeper’s palms. 1-1 at the break.
5 mins into the second half, more great skills from Sam who crossed into a dangerous area, the ball was cleared to Jonny who laid off to debutant George, but the shot was saved.
Once again Wallace had the chance to cross from deep, this time from a set-piece, but this time it was lucky for Matt that nobody was filming (despite his request) as he trickled it into the wall. On any day a good haddock shout, but some shameful politicking from Wallace allowed him to escape.
"Oi, film this!" - Matt Wallace, moments before hitting the first man from a free kick
There were certainly less chances in the second half compared to the pulsating first, but there was a cracking volley from out of nowhere by Strand’s number 7 which flashed just wide. Not long after, Witan were ahead. Their keeper again rushed out to attempt to find Stat’s header, but George beat him to it to lift the ball over him and into the net.
The game sparked into life once more in the last 15. A ball was flashed across the box by OSA and cleared. Witan moved into the box and Jez thought he had a shout for a penno but the ref was unmoved. Jonny Baxter was beaten by a quick winger and although he never connected with the opponent surely deserved his booking (the first of his career).
Witan dealt well with two corners in a row, firstly with DLF making a huge tackle in a goalmouth scramble, and then after Baker’s save at the back post led to another set piece and another scramble, Stathis broke away and was fouled (shock).
The final two pieces of action were haddock shouts. Eventual MOM Stathis (tied with the returning Liam Kenney who marshalled the back four to their first game with under 2 conceded of the season) bafflingly attempted to tee himself up for a bicycle with a man free on the right-hand side.
Eventually haddock winner Jeremy Deasey sealed another by chasing an opponent while barking like a dingo, being nutmegged by the same player, and then rugby tackling him.
As embarrassing as this was, it really feels like a scandal that Matt “for the cameras” Wallace didn’t take it away. There may need to be an inquiry due to the loopholes and potential bribes that were abused to ensure one of the usual suspects Deasey took home another haddock.
Witan closed out the win with a very important and perhaps unexpected 3 points, putting them in good stead for their remaining 4 games – 3 against fellow bottom half teams and one against arguable favourites for the league, Kings Old Boys.
Credit: Tom "Bangers" Bangerter
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