Getting to Tiffs home ground was a nightmare. On arrival to Esher all the big dogs jumped in a taxi to the ground, the only taxi around. Elder Ennis informed the rest of us that if we start walking we would be there by 1:15, so we all set off for a nice walk to the ground. What we didn’t do was check the time before we left Esher station. It was 12:35… that’s a long walk.
Anyway, we arrive get the warmup done do a terrible rondo and bangers arrives in a £80 taxi paid by Netflix. The twos are in a new league this year and we are starting to experience some new tactics by the opposition.
Within 3 minutes we’ve discovered that tiffs like having the ball and are even happy to pass it around the back. 20 minutes later tiffs are on 80% possession they’ve completed more passes than we did last season and it feels like we might be in for a battering. From the sideline comes a rallying cry, “Call an ambulance!” But the ambulance is not for the person who shouted it. It’s for Jack! we’ve just got into tiffs 18 yard box and he’s been clattered.
With regular penalty takers missing and the refusal to let jelliott take it even though he scored his last one, up steps Swazza (Wrighty). Wrighty tried to take a penalty three years ago, skied it and damaged a semi detached house in Woking… but buried this one. 1-0!
About 10 minutes later Jelliott gets assaulted by Tiffs GK but the ref keeps his whistle out of his mouth and then out of guilt awards us another penalty a couple of minutes later. Cometh the hour, cometh the man, Simon Wright bangs it top bins everyone on Witan fantasy goes wild.
Half time team talk: Ben Wyver is seething. He’s only got 3 fouls and no one would pass to him first half. “Pass me the ball and we will win,” he exclaimed. The 2s agreed to give it a go.
Second half was much better, we passed Ben the ball and he was happy to pass it sideways and even along the ground to people on our team. Ennis did a big run and was too tired to talk and then we scored again. Jake Cannon has a b-list super power that’s really useful in amateur football. He can pass to himself and he did just that around the tired tiffs defence before securing himself a fantastic goal. The game ended 3-1. The 2s are 3 from 3 and we have a positive goal difference. Get loud, get proud get on it.
Written by James Elliott
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