On a freezing cold November Saturday, Witan I's faced a trek to their furthest away game of the season. Most teams would fly for a journey this long, maybe even stay the night before in a hotel. Sadly, with a budget that doesn't even stretch to buying a new match ball, it was an early start for the boys instead
Arriving somewhere south of Reigate, the Witan squad was already looking depleted. Ravaged by unavailability, including Mikey refusing to play as he'd arranged his own birthday party on top of the game, 2 ringers were brought in to beef up the squad. They included Joe, coming all the way from Camden for his first 11 a-side game in "years", and Zach/ Jack who arrived shortly before kick off, announcing "I'm your ringer" loudly in front of the opposition. Diva also brought along his girlfriend, for some reason subjecting her to standing in the cold watching football than can be described at best as "mediocre"
We were pleased to see both a new multi-million pound 3G astro and a lovely big grass pitch next to it, either well suited to the Fede inspired tika-taka style Witan favour. Obviously, Reigate shoved us on the pitch that even 13 year olds would consider too small, with the distance from the side of the area to the side of the pitch no more than 2m
The pattern of the game settled early, with Reigate unaware they were allowed to pass to each other on the ground. Balls over the top bobbled through harmlessly to Diva, with full backs Sarly and Jon barely touching the ball with their feet but getting in some good throw-in practice. Witan, orchestrated by diminutive Spaniard Fede, finally started getting the ball down and after 15 minutes created the best chance so far. A Witan free kick from deep fell to Rudders 6 yards out; rusty from his 15 years out with yet another injury, rather than tap the ball past the keeper, he tried a backheel half volley that dribbled into the keepers hands
Rudders would make amends shortly afterwards, as on 25 minutes the deadlock was broken. Goal kick intercepted by Theo, he set up Rudders to curl beautifully into the bottom corner. 1-0 Witan
Witan should've added to their advantage, as the next 10 minutes was as one sided as it comes. Theo skipped past the Reigate full back on multiple occasion, but the final touch wasn't quite there. At one point, Theo rounded the defender, saw Rudders in space in the middle, and opted to dribble the ball into the keeper and out for a goal kick instead. Whoops. One Witan corner resulted in head tennis for about 60 seconds, as 12 different players headed the ball to each other, eventually ending in a Reigate free kick. That's why they call it the beautiful game
As happens at this elite level of football, failing to take your chances comes back to haunt you. Attempting to play another long ball, a sliced Reigate hoof landed straight at the feet of their winger. In fairness, he then flicked the ball over Sarly, sent Zach/ Jack for a hot dog and shot under my attempted block to slot past Diva and make it 1-1. It was a pretty good goal
Witan were then lucky to go in at the break level, as Zach/ Jack bundled over their winger roughly 400 yards inside our box. Somehow, the ref gave a free kick, and at HT it was 1-1
Being 1-1 at half time against Reigate, dominating the play and then going on to lose has become something of a Witan tradition. Zach/ Jack took on the role this time of exclaiming at half time "if we keep playing like this, we'll win easily"
We did keep playing like that, and we didn't win easily. The 2nd half started as the 1st had ended, with Witan dominating the passing play again. Denilson, on at left wing, was roughly 400% more onside than the last time I played with him, and linked up with Rudders and Jonny Page well on multiple occasions
Jonny was playing in an advanced 8 role (trequartista for anyone who's a dickhead) and forced many of the throws Witan won in the Reigate half. Rudders, not content with scoring goals, wanted to show off his long throw skills (can you call it a long throw on a pitch that small?) and hurdled the ball into the box each time. Before Witan could force the ball in, Reigate had gone down the other end and scored
Giving away a free-kick in a harmless position (looking at you Jonny Baxter), the ball was lofted into the box by Reigate. Despite giving their enormous number 9 a pretty hefty shove, he still managed to guide his header on target. It seemed to move in slow motion and somehow bounced in off the post to make it 2-1 to Reigate. Life isn't fair, and neither is the Amateur Football Combination Intermediate Division South
Witan rallied, but failed to create many clear cut chances. Unfortunately they seemed to fall to me and Baxter, with a golden chance scuffed wide by yours truly and Jonny having a header cleared off the line. Rudders came close with a free kick and forced a top save from the keeper with 2 minutes to go with a drive from outside the box
Witan were also lucky to not go further behind, as Zach/ Jack bundled over their winger roughly 400 yards inside our box. Somehow, the ref gave a free kick (getting deja vu here)
The game would end on a controversial note, as fan favourite/ Witan's funniest player me was caught by a Reigate player clearing the ball. The scream and fall to the floor (dive) may have been a bit unnecessary, and at any rate failed to convince the referee to point to the spot. Pleas of "he definitely caught me" and "it would be a pen in the prem" seemed to not really convince anyone on the pitch, and it would end 2-1 to Reigate
MOM went to Rudders, for generally strong all round play and a great moustache, with Haddock awarded to Jack/ Zach for giving away 2 "pens". I took runner up in the Haddock vote after being brutally wiped out, and the honour of writing the match report fell to me
Witan will look to bounce back against Dorking (which I think is near France) back at the home of football, Barn Elms, in freezing temperatures yet again. When am I allowed to retire?
Written by Danny Payne
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