Witan’s second match of the 2022/2023 season came with a major jolt of reality. Having fought back the week prior to secure a valiant win over Dorking on the resplendent pitches of deepest Surrey, Witan found themselves back on home turf, negotiating the usual mixture of goose shit and broken dreams.
The day started well enough, with winger Jeremy Deasey arriving uncharacteristically on time, and goalkeeper Keir Baker providing crucial trivia regarding the Lusophonic countries of West Africa. Moreover, FIFA star Michael Wells had been retrieved from an unexpected stint upfront for Witan IIs, to partner returning captain Jonny Baxter in the heart of the Witan defence. And with Mike Harvey’s son’s swimming lessons complete without any casualties, Witan lined up to face a youthful Shene side full of confidence.
And yet, in the early stages of the match, Witan found themselves very much on the back foot. Struggling to deal with Shene’s physical midfield and a pitch of the usual terrible quality, Witan were under the cosh. Last-ditch defending from the likes of James Silva and Jon Stuart kept back a Shene wave, who utilised effectively the speed and pace of their forward line. On a number of occasions, cross-cum-shots fizzed across Baker’s goal begging for a touch that was not forthcoming, and the well-developed head of Baxter was called into action on a number of occasions. But for Shene’s lack of killer instinct, and the feet of Baker turning away a low shot from inside the area, Witan were in danger of finding themselves out of the match from the early stages.
Nevertheless, Witan still carried their threat. A number of chances were carved seemingly out of nothing by delightfully Irish striker Josh Cogan, whose muscular terrorizing of the Shene defence put to bed slanderous questions raised by absent vice-captain and dingus-in-chief Ben Wright about his suitably for the Witan senior team. For all their pressure on the Witan goal, Shene needed to take their chances.
And that they did, in spectacular fashion. A half-clearance from a Shene throw-in deep into Witan’s half found its way across the outside of Witan’s box, before it was lashed powerfully into the right-hand corner of the Witan goal. Witan, 1-0 down, looked in trouble: the probably-somewhere-but-not-there Sky Blue faithful would be justified in fearing the floodgates were about to open.
But Witan should only sometimes be written off. In this instance, ears stinging some choice words from Baxter, Witan started to get onto the attack. Brazilian superstar Deybson Souza was first to threaten the Shene goal, with a brilliant piece of individual skill resulting in his shot flashing agonisingly past the left-hand post. Moments later, Witan were back in it in unforgettable fashion – save to the extent that all your correspondent can recall is that it was Cogan adding to his tally by in some way effecting some movement that resulted in the ball being in the back of Shene net.
From that point on, Witan looked a different team. With Federico Mora and Michael buzzing around the midfield, opportunities started to emerge as the first half drew to a close. The pace of Cogan and Tom Bangerter pinned back the Shene defence, who were increasingly finding themselves resorting to counter-attacks; far cry from the early possession-based game playing that had seen them dominate the opening exchanges.
The second half was, initially, a cagey affair. Despite both sides playing football of adequate quality, there were few clear-cut openings. Deasey and Saenz, both wily old campaigners, were pulling strings and creating chances, with Silva and Stuart finding themselves in increasingly advanced positions.
Shene’s threat remained, however, and it was the pace of their attack that would prove to be the catalyst for the game-changing moment. That moment, when it arrived with around 20 minutes to go, was controversial and makes painful writing for your correspondent.
Buoyed by his uncharacteristic success with his sweeper role, a confident and yet notoriously slow Baker emerged from his goal to collect a long ball aimed at Shene’s speediest striker. Finding himself predictably outpaced and losing his footing, a desperate lunge at the ball from Baker resulted in a perfectly legal and measured tackle, which – for reasons that were entirely unclear – elicited howls of protest from the Shene players and concerned gulps from the Witan defence*.
* It was a shocking challenge.
Having made no attempt to protest his innocence despite his well-known legal acumen, Baker deservedly found himself inside the referee’s notebook (and with a £12 bill for a yellow card that, with this week’s developments – is also around US$12 – #politics). As the players lined up for the inevitable penalty, it was with characteristic indecisiveness that the referee – paying no regard to expected protests from Shene – pointed for a freekick just outside the area (and some 2 metres from where the incident took place). Following yet further protests that fell upon deaf ears, and much to Shene’s chagrin, that freekick was later tipped over the bar by a cat-like Baker, who was already concocting schemes to try and avoid the inevitable haddock.
Though Witan appeared to have had a lucky escape, the injustice of this turn of events appeared to galvanise Shene, who commenced a ferocious onslaught of the Witan goal. A combination of Shene’s strikers crashing shots onto - and thrashing golden opportunities over - the bar, alongside further heroic defending from Wells (the eventual Man of the Match) and Baxter kept Witan in the game. Faint hopes emerged that Witan might hang on, when Baker saw fit to cement his position as the pantomime villain of the piece by saving a Shene penalty awarded in respect of dubious handball.
Witan hung on, but eventually the siege bore fruit and Witan’s resolute resistance crumbled. Two quickfire goals from Shene (one, inevitably, from a set piece) left Witan with a mountain to climb in the final 10 minutes. Witan toiled, but could fashion nout but half-chances for the lethal Cogan and his supporting cast of Bangerter and Souza.
3-1 at the final whistle: Witan had left everything on the pitch, but were ultimately outclassed by an impressive Shene side who look likely to challenge at the top of the table this season.
Witan’s attention now turns to Woking, and – in particular – the all-important train strikes that will ultimately determine the scope for a pre-match warm-up that, on the evidence of this season, it may be best that Deasey, Baker and Souza effectively miss.
Keir Baker
Bearer of the Haddock
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