After a number of unseasonably warm games, the weather had turned as we entered a cold and wet mid-November. Witan 1s faced a trek to face Brent away in a 2nd vs 3rd clash. Witan were missing our very own David Brent-esque character, as Ben Wright was unavailable.
Despite not being quite in Slough, getting changed in a shed and playing basically underneath the M4 gave it a Dunder Mifflin Paper Company office vibe.
Witan were celebrating a return of Rudders to the team, back after 13 months out with a variety of injuries including a “sore neck”. Rudders brought an unusually professional feel to the team, as he was spotted by keeper and business development guru Keir Baker on his LinkedIn feed pre-game.
The first battle began before the game even started, in a pre-game playlist battle with the opposition. Their house music was no match for Vindaloo – Fat Les, and Witan went into the game with a psychological advantage.
The game almost began with no subs for Witan, as Michael Oroja and James Silva managed to get lost on the way from the changing rooms to the pitch, despite Jonny Baxter utilising his excellent cartography skills. Michael then appeared to be vacantly staring into space on the touchline, before being reminded that he was starting the game and causally strolling into centre midfield just before kick-off.
The game started at a fast pace, with Brent opting for an unusual 2 up top approach. This created space for both sides, as they swapped a number of dangerous attacks in the early stages with minimal end product. The opener wasn’t far off, as a corner cleared to the edge of the Witan box gave Brent the chance to get the ball into the box. The cross from the Brent winger was a poor one, as it was confidently called that the ball was sailing safely behind the goal. Unfortunately, it nestled straight in the top corner of the Witan goal (my bad). 1-0 down after 5 minutes.
This stirred Witan into life, and the away side were dominant for the next 10 minutes. This culminated in the equaliser when Jez Deasey took a quick throw in to Bangers, who neatly side-stepped the Brent CM before bending a ball into the top-right corner from outside the area. Questions as to whether this was a 2nd mis-hit cross goal in the space of 15 minutes were asked; answer inconclusive, score 1-1.
Witan remained on top for the next 15 minutes. Brazilian maestro Debyson Souza shared more in common with the Amazon rainforest than Neymar, as he was cut down at every opportunity by their terrified full backs.
Witan created a number of half chances which included Jonny Page hitting an on-the-turn half-volley into the top branches of a tree. Sadly his matching Hull City shirt and joggers combo had summoned Matt Dawson’s finishing ability rather than Giovanni’s. Wingers Tommy Hingston and Debsyson continued to terrorise Brent’s fullbacks, but with no goals to show for it
Brent eventually regained their advantage. A deep ball to the back post evaded the defence, and a neat header past Keir made it 2-1 to the home side.
Half time came, and Witan’s answer to Steve Cooper would make the key tactical change to get the away side back into it – Rudders released for his first taste of the action.
It didn’t take long for the man that previously scored “practically all” of Witan’s goals to get his name on the scoresheet. Playmaker Debyson at the heart of it, as his freekick was palmed out to Rudders who made no mistake from 10 yards out. Desmond 2-2
The next half hour was a tight affair, with both sides failing to make the most of their chances. Keir made several fine saves in the Witan goal, including with his face, and a number of last-ditch challenges came from the Witan defensive line to prevent certain goals.
At the other end, Rudders appeared to play several 1-2’s with the Brent centre back after good work from Bangers, as he attempted to force the ball home from close range, but Brent managed to clear. Ben De La Fuente also became a Brent player momentarily, after his attempted (and badly failed) bicycle-kick led to him blocking Rudders goalbound shot as he lay on the floor.
Witan midfielders Jonny Baxter and Michael fought hard in the middle, running approximately 50 miles each on an abnormally large pitch. They were unable to match Brent in the air though, as their 5’5” centre mid won every header in the game.
The decisive moment would come 10 minutes from time, as Brent collected the ball on their left-hand side. Having been kept in Ollie Potter’s back pocket all game, the winger didn’t fancy his chances at getting past and hit an early cross from 5 yards inside the Witan half. Not content with 1 mis-hit cross turned goal, Brent added a 2nd as the “cross” flew into the top corner over a helpless Keir to the jubilation of the Brent faithful (i.e. their 2 subs). 3-2 Brent.
Witan had a chance to equalise immediately, as the ball fell to yours truly 6 yards from goal. A simple finish, and the game was 3-3… except I wouldn’t be writing the match report if that happened, would I? A tame shot straight into the keeper, who didn’t even have to move, and Brent retained their 3-2 advantage.
Dele also had a chance to equalise, but he joined his defensive partner in deciding goals are overrated as he headed wide. Two more chances would fall to Witan, as someone had a shot cleared off the line (but no-one remembers whose shot it was), and Jonny Baxter jinked round their centre back in the box in the 90th minute, only to curl harmlessly over the upright.
Defeat for Witan was harsh, in a good-natured game between 2 evenly matched teams. Bangers took a deserved man of the match for a strong false 9/ inverted winger performance, and haddock to Danny for a mix of missing from 6 yards out and calling that Brent’s 1st wasn’t going in (suggestions that Keir should’ve saved it anyway didn’t go down well). The only consolation was the referee handing out dates after the game (not that Bangers was happy with the quality).
Report written by Danny Payne
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