On a run of 5 games with 2 goals and zero wins, stretching back over 3 months, the 1st team welcomed the arrival of a team in London Welsh against whom they had scored 15 times in their last three meetings.
Preparation was far from ideal, with the arrival of the kit just 30 minutes before the game. However, with several Welsh players kitting up 5 minutes before kick-off, Witan’s ramshackle 11 still felt confident. At least until about two minutes in, when Bangerter set the tone for the day, tripping over a combination of his own feet and the ball trying to change direction while advancing up the field under little pressure.
I entered some prompts for this match report into ChatGPT, and while our names aren't famous enough for it to get the details right, it was able to correctly guess that we conceded two of our three goals from set pieces.
The area looked like Valley of the Giants when London Welsh ambled forward for their first set piece. The cross was great, the header was decent, but we can't help but wonder what would have happened if Jez, on the back post, hadn't temporarily forgotten he was allowed to use his legs or other body parts to keep the ball out of the net.
Shortly after it was two as Witan got caught on the counter and the opposition’s Centre Midfielder drilled in from the corner of the box.
Witan tried to string some passes together in response, but their attacking efforts were typified by the returning Ben Wright, haring forward, calling for a pass, and then dummying to no-one.
Louis Cardoe had the unenviable task in his second game for the 1s, playing almost as a Solitary Centre Midfielder - with Captain Baxter in his emergency Centre Back role, the rest of the midfield three was a rotating troupe of wingers trying (and largely failing) to “do a job”.
The home side finally started to click around 25 minutes with Deybson forcing the keeper into a big save with a 25-yard curler, and two minutes later a penalty was won. The away side's protests were particularly strange given the combination of a blatant foul and a clear handball.
Unfortunately, Witan's Brazilian saw his spot kick parried away, with Mikey's follow up from a tight angle tipped round the post for a corner. Another set of strange appeals were heard as Welsh claimed Mikey was offside from the penalty...
From the corner, Witan claimed for another after a defender handled, but on a day where the ref let a lot go, they were unlikely to get back-to-back penalties.
Just before half time, a speculative effort from Cardoe sent a 35 yard shot high enough to collect some ice on its way back down, dropping dramatically towards the underside of Welsh' bar only for the keeper to tip over.
It was almost 3-0 going into half time but the goal (from a corner, shockingly) was disallowed for a push on Baxter.
On a long losing and scoreless streak, Witan would have been thinking the only way is up... until, minutes into the second half, Tommy Hingston (the only scorer for the 1s this year) was dragged down, resulting in a dislocated shoulder.
Shortly after it was 3-0 (header from corner) and despite Mikey showing some class at number 10, and Ben Wright playing out of his skin on his first game after missing the last 392 through injury, Witan couldn't offer any solid response.
Welsh's reinforcements since our October meeting had clearly done the trick, with their improvement matched by Witan's slump since that day.
Man of the Match was Danny Payne, a textbook "best of a bad bunch". Haddock was awarded not to the person who defender our backpost like a hologram, the penalty-misser, or the kit-delayer, but the man who slipped on a pitch that was roughly 98% mud.
Hangers for Baddock.
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