The last game of the season began in true Witan fashion. 20 minutes before kick-off, there were only 8 players who had arrived and it couldn’t even be blamed on Jez this time. Eventually Witan were able to muster enough players for the game to begin, with the level of warm up varying
It was a somewhat makeshift team, as despite having 3 squads, we only seem able to field 13 players from the entire club each week. Mike Wells was caretaker manager for the day; Ben “Javi Gracia” Wright having been removed from his position. Just like Ted Lasso, Mike’s inspiring (and detailed) pre-match team talk galvanised the team - could an upset against top of the league be possible?
No was the answer to that question.
Shene quickly took the lead, after an assist from our very own Elliott Sarl. Channelling his inner Bangers, he honourably told the ref to give a corner when he had previously awarded a goal kick. The Shene centre back then headed in unmarked to give Shene an early lead. Goals conceded from set-pieces this year: 21
It wasn’t long until Shene doubled their lead. Trying to play out from the back, a turnover of possession and a *slight* missed clearance from Mike put the Shene forward through on goal. 2-0
Despite conceding twice, Witan had held up fairly well defensively up until this point. In a quiet period of the game, Witan started to build more through the back, playing through un-retired Mike Harvey, Luke, Archie and Louis in midfield. Attackers Marcel, Mikey and Fred gave the Shene defence frights, getting in behind on multiple occasions. Shame no one in Witan seems to have a left foot though, as tame efforts found the keepers gloves.
Shene then scored a couple more goals - I have no idea what happened as I’m writing this two weeks later. At least one was from a corner though: goals conceded from set-pieces this year: 22 (or 23?). Keir also made a bunch of saves, keeping the scoreline “respectable”.
After the 4th went in, Louis initiated a team huddle with a speech even more inspiring than Mike’s pre-game. Could this be the catalyst for a comeback - one of the greatest the Amateur Football Combination Intermediate South had ever seen? The answer again was no.
Shene quickly added a 5th, possibly from a long throw. However, Witan would score a consolation goal. A Jez corner headed away to the edge of the box was struck sweetly by Fred. Like something out of a cartoon, the keeper caught the ball, but the momentum of the shot knocked him back over the line, to make it 5-1 to Shene. Game on?
Again, no. Shene then made it 6, with a goal I actually do remember. A cross from the Shene right, Witan’s CB was helpless to do anything to defend such a quality cross (other accounts may vary). Another headed goal, another defeat, and another season with a 2nd half slump. Time to get the Gumtree ads out again…
MOM went to Keir, for a combination of his many saves and his knowledge of the history of Witan. Haddock technically went to Bangers, who pulled out Saturday morning with a combination of a cold and a sore back.
Witan end the season in most likely 5th, a position that doesn’t sound as impressive when there are only 9 teams in the league. Hopefully next year we’ll be able to prevent our best players moving to Spain, and wrap Rudders up in bubble wrap.
Report written by Danny Payne
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